Conscious Sexuality and Gender

Today we have a guest post by my friend and colleague, Artemisia de Vine, conscious sex worker, kink practitioner and author of the upcoming book, “Lessons from a Whore”. and Artemesia and other graduate members of the Urban Tantra® Professional Training Program frequently discuss the practical applications of seeing  gender beyond the binary of masculine/feminine. Here Artemesia shares her recent “Ah hah!” moment. I think it’s beautifully stated. Thanks, Artemesia!

So excited that I was finally able to articulate something that is so important to me. Funny how I can instinctively know something for years but just can’t put it in words…so I get all frustrated and hot under the collar because I know it really matters but can’t communicate it properly, even to myself. I can just feel that damage is being done and it needs to change. Suddenly it is so simple and I can just say it.

Worshipping the gender binaries of masculine and feminine encourages us all to project stereotypes onto each other rather than be present and truly see, experience and connect with ourselves and each other. Today I’m making the effort to approach each individual person as a unique being I know nothing about and allow them to unfold in front of me like the exquisite mystery they are.

Yes there will likely be recognizable gendered patterns that emerge but the difference is, I will allow them to emerge naturally rather than assume they are there in the first place. That way I won’t miss the times when they are not there. I won’t be blind to the unique combination of characteristics in each person. I will unconsciously assume power dynamics less often…

Feeling into myself in each moment and experiencing what is… What’s there beyond gendered boxes? The words “masculine” and “feminine” are being banned from my vocabulary today so I can see and be beyond them.


  1. Working in a male in a male dominated field and living in a state whose predominant culture is based upon patriarchal theocracy I see a great deal of gender prejudice.Stereotypes really do keep us boxed in. So I appreciate this especially:

    “Worshipping the gender binaries of masculine and feminine encourages us all to project stereotypes onto each other rather than be present and truly see, experience and connect with ourselves and each other. ”

    Thank you!


  2. Well stated. I’m going to have to contemplate that a bit. I know that there are both masculine and feminine traits within me. I hadn’t extended this to others. Thanks for the thought candy!

  3. What Artemisia has written is a brilliantly articulated piece about this issue of “feminity” and “masculinity” and I’m in agreement with her that as a species we have held on to this idealised binary gendered paradigm for far too long. We need to deconstruct this intelligently and carefully so we can discontinue projecting our gendered expectations onto the people we come into contact with… “girls are like this” or “men are like this”, etc.

    but I also think there’s another flip 🙂 The concepts of ‘masculine’ and ‘feminine’ can be useful for all kinds of work, communication and ritual. I would liken these as similar to Jungian archetypes. A particular archetype might not be absolutely fitting onto any particular human being – but they can be very powerful for any human being to embrace in order to gain understanding and then better navigation of the world at large. cf: Trickster, Fool, Priest, Whore, Mother – these are archetypal qualities that can be really useful for a number of reasons and I’d say that these are hard to define, but that doesn’t detract from their effectiveness…

    Likewise with specific deities: Shiva, Pan, Eris, Tara, Baphomet, whoever: we can learn a lot about ourselves from choosing to consciously explore what these might reveal to us… By deconstructing the belief that these entities have permanent objective existence, we don’t actually lose our ability to work with them. In fact it allows for greater ability to work with them as we learn more about existence.

    Likewise with the qualities of ‘masculine’ and ‘feminine’: just because they’re not real in some objective absolute sense, doesn’t mean they’re not powerful, beautiful and effective for us for reasons described above and probably many others 🙂

    Love, Seani x

  4. I also avoid the terms masculinity and femininity –
    They have been used historically a part of a patriarchal system to
    Assert that certain characteristics that would threaten the patriarchy are
    ‘Masculine’ and characteristics that enable females to be
    Manipulated and subjugated are ‘feminine’
    For so long I struggled with not bequeathing certain of
    My powers to a male dominated narrative by fully recognising the male
    Nature of my gender identity. Since I disconnected this from my gender from my female nature
    (Male gender not in conflict with female sex identity) as well as abandoning femininity and masculinity
    As categories – I have been more able to embrace my gender identity without feeling a betrayal of my sex (sex not sexual – that’s another thing again) identity – apols for waffling x

Post A Comment