Jul 02 2022
I invite you to think about your sexual and spiritual freedoms—those freedoms you have, those you’re still fighting for, and those you may lose.
This first weekend in July, and specifically 4 July, is celebrated in the United States as Independence Day. It’s the anniversary of the day back in 1776 when the white founding fathers (there were no founding mothers) signed the Declaration of Independence, thus beginning the American Revolutionary War—a war fought to release Americans from autocratic rule by the English king and to bring all Americans (except women and slaves) countless liberties and freedoms, summarized under the banner of “life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.”
In the past week, a big chunk of those liberties, freedoms and happiness went up in smoke at the dumpster fire that is the new radically conservative Supreme Court, a court of nine unelected justices appointed to lifelong terms, three of whom were recently appointed by an autocratic president elected by a minority of Americans. We live in a country where there is plenty of freedom for one select religion, less for other religions and absolutely no freedom FROM religion.
Abortion will now be illegal or severely restricted in half the states in the country. Women in those states will now be forced by the State to stay pregnant, no matter how criminally they were impregnated or how incapable they are of raising a child. It will be legal for teachers and coaches to gather students together for prayer, no matter the religious preferences of their students (I do wonder what the ruling might have been in this decisive case if the coach in question had been conducting a Pagan ritual instead of a leading a Christian prayer.) And the Environmental Protection Agency has been stripped of its authority to limit greenhouse gas emissions from power plants. (Sorry about that, ecosexuals!)
If you live outside of America, or in U.S. states that have passed local laws to protect your sexual and spiritual orientations and choices, consider yourself lucky. Lucky, but not safe. Over and over again in this past week I have heard people say, “I didn’t think this was possible here. I thought we were better than that—had come farther than that—had already fought and won these battles—etc.
This weekend I invite you to take stock. For many of us, finding sexual freedom has primarily involved inner work. Right now, it demands outer work as well. So…
1. Feel your feelings (if you haven’t already done so.) Mourn, scream, rage. If you’re feeling numb, you’re probably in the grief stage, so honor that. (It took me a solid week to get out of the punched-in-the-gut stage of grief.)
2. Discover and align with your values. What are your deepest core values? What matters most to you? What about what has happened recently is most out of alignment with your values? What will you fight to protect? (If you want help with this, there’s a super-effective exercise in my book Ecstasy is Necessary.)
3. Choose to act. There are so many ways to help: political activism, emotional support, physical support, financial donations. Decide what’s right for you. If you decide to break unjust laws (and I know many of us will) be sure you know the potential consequences for yourself and others.
Here are a few links to help you get started.
A New York Times Article filled with useful resources: Mad About Roe? Here’s What to Do Now.
Shout Your Abortion is all about normalizing abortion and elevating safe paths to access, regardless of legality.
Freedom From Religion Foundation centers their work around the separation of church and state.
Yours in loving solidarity for the sexual and spiritual liberation of all beings,
Feb 21 2021
It’s been One. Whole. Year. Four seasons have passed. Birthdays, anniversaries, graduations, weddings, and funerals have all gone uncelebrated, or celebrated with a handful of people carefully spaced two metres apart, or alone in front of a screen. We’re tired, worn down, depressed. Even the exceedingly creative ways we’ve discovered to gather together or create some delight in our lives now feels disappointing—kinda like we’re living half-lives. It sucks. But for the friends, families, and colleagues of more than 2.5 million people around the world who have died in this pandemic, these are all mere inconveniences in comparison to their profound grief.
So, how I dare I talk about ecstatic anything, right? It’s like hearing someone rave about the banquet they attended last year while now all the grocery stores are closed and you don’t even have the makings of a sandwich. But stay with me, okay? I want to talk about a particularly timely flavor of ecstatic experience—Ecstatic Resilience.
My concept of an ecstatic life does not demand that I walk around in a constant state of bliss. My concept of resilience does not mean that I never feel defeated. Ecstatic Resilience means that I have the ability to access ecstatic moments when I want them, and that my regular practice of creating ecstatic experiences makes me more resilient. Even when things are difficult, painful, and upsetting, I know that I will ultimately be able to use the elements of whatever is happening to create an ecstatic experience, if not now, then in the reasonably near future. For me, living an ecstatic life means looking upon ecstasy as a spiritual practice.
The way I see at it, we all have a choice right now. We can tough out the next several months (or more), gritting our teeth and getting more and more numb and resentful. Or we can embrace some tools for ecstatic living that we can use to make life more joyful right now, and prepare ourselves for lives filled with joy, connection and ecstasy when the pandemic has passed.
Here are some tools that have been working for me. I know that some of you are going through extraordinary challenges right now and all of these will not be available/possible for everyone. Just try the ones that feel appropriate or adapt them to suit your circumstances.
Radically accept—everything. Radical acceptance is the practice of accepting things as they are with no expectation that they will ever change. Of course, all things change all the time, but by accepting things as they are with no expectations, and releasing your attempts to change them, almost any situation can be turned into an experience that—if not ecstatic in itself—can lead to a place of peace and no regrets, both of which contribute to an ecstatic life. Radical acceptance also provides the opportunity to find creative and ecstatic alternatives to the situation, and it paves the way for positive change.
Dissolve the boundary between your body and nature. Whether you live in a big city, a small town, or in the country, take a moment each day to establish a connection to a natural element. This could be as simple as taking a walk in which you lose yourself in the feeling of the sun on your skin, or feel yourself absorbed into the blue of the sky. You could hug a tree, listen intently to the song of a bird, or even spend quality time with your dog. A key aspect of ecstatic resilience is feeling connected to all that is. Consciously practicing this connection on a daily basis keeps that ecstatic channel open, even while isolating.
Live what you love. This is hardly a new maxim, but it’s essential to an ecstatic life. Do as much of what you love as you possibly can. Do as little as you must of anything you don’t like. The more you commit to what you love, the easier it is to let the rest be handled by someone else who enjoys it more. Pay attention to your intuitive energy meter. Remember to ask yourself: Do I feel an energy gain or an energy drain in this situation, or around this person? Eliminate or minimize your exposure to anything or anyone that drains your energy. Embrace that which feeds you.
Whatever you’re doing—do it whole-heartedly. Do not hold back. Give yourself over completely. Be bigger than you think you are. Be more than you’ve ever been. Be too much. Yes, even on Zoom.
Embrace and celebrate your inner teenager. What was your passion at age 13? Or age 16? How did you pursue that passion? What was your most compelling reason for pursuing this passion? How did you behave if people told you that your passion was wrong, silly, or a waste of time? Revisit your most ecstatic, stubborn, passionate, activist years. Take notes. See your inner teenager as a vital part of your authentic adult self.
Go to the edge. Fall off. See what’s there. Start a love affair with your own fear. Imagine your fear as your best friend. Throw a virtual fear party. Invite all your friends and all their fears. Make a fear playlist and dance with your fears.
Seize the moment—and stay in it. Slow down! Spend as much time in each present moment as you can. Time is such wibbly-wobbly stuff these days. Create meditative moments in varied areas of your life and stretch each one to its fullest. See how much ecstasy you can savor in each moment of the day.
Live in amazement. I am consistently amazed at life in all its weird and wacky permutations. I am amazed by the infinite kindness and courage of humanity. I am amazed by how much I’ve learned over the years. I’m amazed that I’m surviving the second plague of my lifetime. I’m amazed by how little I know and how much I learn every single day. Make a list of what amazes you.
Would you like some help and support strengthening your Ecstatic Resilience? Would you like to learn some powerful, practical, and fun ecstatic exercises that you can enjoy both now and when we can be with others again? Would you like some techniques to expand your sexual pleasure, even and especially if your only sex partner is yourself? Would you like to sit in a virtual circle with others who want the same things you do? Join me for my four-part series beginning 10 March 2021—Urban Tantra: Sacred Sex for the Twenty-First Century—Online via Zoom in partnership with The New York Open Center You can register for the whole series or take individual classes:
10 March: Ecstatic Breathwork
31 March: Creating Tantric Connections
21 April: Sex Magic
12 May: Taking Erotic Risks
Sep 17 2018
On Friday, 12 October, I’m hosting a live panel discussion on Women, Sex and Power at the New York Open Center.
For this Symposium, I’ve called together a group of the most intelligent, radical, and informed experts working at the intersection of sexuality, politics, and power. Together, we’re going to explore the current climate of sexual politics, sexual freedom, pleasure and power that women in today’s world are facing.
The #MeToo movement and the Women’s Marches have given rise to a new era for women, filled with new possibilities for sexual and political empowerment. But what exactly do sexual and political empowerment look like? It depends on who you ask. Not all women have the same needs, priorities, or goals.
I believe that as free thinkers, and erotic explorers, and agents of our own sexual power, the more deeply we can engage with and question our collective sexual landscape, the more sexual freedom we can consciously create for all.
Women, Sex & Power brings together a panel of brave, visionary women from different racial, cultural, social and professional backgrounds to share their visions for this new era.
Alia Adams is a trans woman of color. She was born in Uganda and fled the country in 2015 after the president of Uganda signed the Anti-Homosexual Act. Having been outed by a local tabloid for being transgender, she was forced to flee for her safety. She currently lives in Albany, NY, where she works as a patient care associate. Alia is also a sex worker rights activist, human rights activist and queer feminist.
Diana Adams is Principal of Diana Adams Law & Mediation, PLLC, a boutique LGBTQ family law and mediation firm based in New York City and Frankfurt, Germany, serving primarily same-sex couples, polyamorous and non-nuclear families. Diana speaks internationally as a thought leader on LGBTQ family law and evolving family structure. Diana also teaches Courageous Conversations, her program on empowered communication, Non-Violent Communication and dispute resolution, in diverse venues such as Yale, law schools, Omega Women’s Leadership Center, and corporate trainings. Diana is the Director of the Euro LGBT Family Law Institute, connecting leaders in LGBTQ family law internationally. Follow her on twitter or Facebook @DianaAdamsEsq www.DianaAdamsLaw.net; www.CourageousConversations.Work
Zahava Griss (Z, pronouns: they/them) is a dancer, coach, kink educator, and author. Z directs Do Good Things with Power, a leadership immersion for facilitators transforming our culture of intimacy. Z has supported many people’s empowerment as they navigate sexuality, gender, race, and conscious power dynamics including guiding women’s circles for 15 years. Z focuses on inclusivity in sexuality, somatic, and dance communities. Z leads erotic grief rituals to enliven us, remind us who we are, what we want, who we come from and what we want to contribute to the world we desire, while seeing humanity as our team. www.EmbodyMoreLove.com.
Mollena Lee Williams-Haas is a NYC born and raised writer, actress, BDSM Educator, Storyteller, sobriety fiend since March 14th 2007, and an Award-Winning Executive Pervert. Her opinion and viewpoints on issues of kink, Leather and BDSM are frequently sought after by news and information sources like The New York Times, The Huffington Post, Newsweek, Essence, and Ebony. Consciously kinky since 1993and active in leather and BDSM since 1996, she travels extensively, speaking on topics including kink, BDSM, power exchange relationships and negotiating it all safely. She’s the co-author of the Toy bag Guide: Taboo Play and Playing Well With Others: Your Guide to Discovering, Exploring and Navigating the Kink, Leather and BDSM Communities. www.mollena.com.
Please join me for this powerful and important discussion. Get your tickets here.
Women, Sex & Power: A Symposium
The New York Open Center
Friday, 12 October
7pm – 10pm
Members $35/ Nonmembers $40
Nov 17 2017
As I began the first draft of the first edition of Urban Tantra, I wrote, “I want a revolution!” Not only did I want a revolution in cultural attitudes about sexuality and spirituality, I wanted a revolution in Tantra: the only spiritual practice I’d ever found that welcomed sexuality as a path to spiritual freedom. I wanted that revolution. Then and there.
Now it’s eleven years later, and that revolution is well under way. I looked around the graduation circle at my most recent Urban Tantra Professional Training Program, and saw: a transgender professional dominatrix, a cisgender male medical doctor, a gay male sacred intimate, a nurse, an escort, a relationship coach, a social worker working with indigenous peoples, several sex educators, several more Tantra teachers, two yoga instructors, a performance artist, and an ordained minister. One-third of the group were people of color. We ranged in ages from early twenties to late sixties. We loved, cried, howled with laughter, felt deeply, experienced life-changing “ah-hah” moments, and supported and shared love with each other for an entire week. These were beautiful, brave, passionate explorers—and now they were my colleagues and friends. I initially wrote Urban Tantra because it was the book I had always wanted to read but could never find. I knew there were fierce, loving, spiritually minded, erotically focused people in the world who wanted that book, too. I wanted to meet them. To play with them. To work with them. To learn from them. And here they were. I wrote it, and they came. My dream come true.
So many of my Urban Tantric dreams have come true since 2007. The phrase conscious sexuality is now common. Sacred sex has expanded to embrace all sorts of different beliefs and practices. The field of sexuality education has exploded, providing resources to people of all races, religions, and cultural backgrounds. BDSM was taken off the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders list as of 2013, making it a consensual choice, not a mental illness. Non-monogamous relationships came out of the closet and invited us all to take a fresh look at how we create and maintain relationships. And then there was gender. Oh my! In recent years, the twin explosions of gender identities and trans rights initiatives have changed everything, opening a box of unlimited gender opportunities that can never be closed. Today, Urban Tantra is a global movement. The Urban Tantra Professional Training Program alone has graduated hundreds of practitioners from twenty-six countries, and they, in turn, are taking the practice into corners of the world I’d never dreamed it would go.
I got my revolution. Big time.
Now that we’re post-revolution, it’s time for Urban Tantra to grow into a new era. I’ve made revisions, updates, and additions to this edition, not only to bring Urban Tantra up to date, but also to cast my gaze toward the future. I have always regarded Urban Tantra as an ever-evolving practice. Where might we go next? What might Urban Tantra become next? This revised edition is a step into that future.
As often happens in revolutions, when someone raises a flag, everyone else who’s been longing for a revolution runs over to introduce themselves and ask how they can help. That’s just what happened in 2007, when the first edition of Urban Tantra was published. Everyone who had felt shut out of other schools of Tantra discovered a flag under which they could rally. We first gathered online and then in person—from all around the world.
In this revised edition, I’m extending an invitation to even more inclusivity. I offer practices and suggestions for people in multi-partner relationships. The number of people openly practicing consensual non-monogamy has grown enormously. Over the past decade, I’ve developed Tantra workshops for triads, quads, and more. In this edition, I suggest ways in which partner Tantra can include more than one partner.
Many schools of Tantra have become more inclusive, and so groups of people with common interests and identities have formed their own Tantric groups or incorporated Tantric principles and practices into existing organizations and schools of thought. Gay Tantra, Dark Tantra, Pagan Tantra, Queer Tantra, and Women’s Tantra are just a few of the new flavors of Tantra. I find inspiration in the many creative expressions of Tantra blooming around the planet and I hope this new edition of Urban Tantra can, in turn, inspire them.
I have also been inspired by the rise of the asexuality movement. An asexual is someone who either does not experience sexual attraction, or experiences attraction, but feels no need to act out that attraction sexually. Lack of sexual interest and/or desire is commonly pathologized in our culture. I applaud asexuals and aromantics (people who experience little or no romantic attraction to others) for refusing to be pathologized. And it turns out that an increasing number of asexuals and aromantics are becoming drawn to Tantra. In this edition, I point out practices that allow people with different sexual and romantic affinities to find ways of relating, running energy, and creating connection and intimacy that do not have to include sex and/or romance.
TANTRA AND BDSM
The relationship between Tantra and BDSM—considered radical and heretical when I first wrote about it—is now common practice. The explosion caused by the book Fifty Shades of Grey catapulted BDSM above ground and into the middle class. Those BDSM practitioners who had always played with a Tantric touch now had a name for the energy play they had long enjoyed. Tantrikas who liked things a little more physically or emotionally intense had permission to go there. Some Tantric practitioners are now combining elements of power and intense sensation with traditional Tantra in a variation sometimes referred to as Dark Tantra. Longtime BDSM players are coming out of the closet as spiritual seekers and creating scenes intentionally designed to welcome god/goddess/universe/all-that-is into their dungeons. Communities in which kinky people and Tantrikas meet, mingle, and play together are growing and can now be found all over the world.
Tantric sex and BDSM have much more in common than may seem apparent at first glance. Both are erotic arts of consciousness. Both arts add intensity to life and sex. Both embrace a wide variety of powerful consensual practices. Both Tantric and BDSM rituals are about raising erotic energy. Both practices involve conscious giving and receiving. Both encourage risks—either physical or emotional. Both erotic arts encourage personal freedom, individuality, and imagination. And both produce trance states, and transcendental, transformational experiences. In this edition, I provide a larger toolkit for those who wish to explore this intersection.
Everything about how we look and talk about gender has changed. When I wrote the first edition of Urban Tantra, I wanted to use they instead of he as the gender-neutral pronoun, but my editors (justifiably) felt the general public would find that confusing or grammatically incorrect, so I wrote around the problem by using gender-neutral names instead of pronouns, switching between he and she, and using s/he. During the editing of this revised book, the subject was not even raised. Now most English dictionaries include they as a third-person singular gender-neutral pronoun.
The language of gender is changing so rapidly that by the time you read this I’m quite sure it will have evolved to name new aspects, or new understandings, of gender. This necessitates a new mindfulness in using this evolving language of both sex and gender. As I remind people in both my workshops and my books, defining our terms before we speak or write is critical to accurately communicating our feelings, identities, and desires. In that spirit, here are my definitions for the gender-related terms I’ll be using:
• Cisgender (or cis) is a person whose gender identity matches up with the sex they were assigned at birth.
• Transgender, at this writing, refers to a man, a woman, a boy, or a girl who has transitioned from another gender. As recently as a few years ago, transgender was a term inclusive of anyone who was messing around with gender. That inclusive term is now trans.
• Trans, at this writing, is an inclusive term for anyone whose gender is in any way at odds with cultural norms for gender. This includes nonbinary, genderqueer, and gender-nonconforming people.
• Nonbinary, genderqueer, and gender-nonconforming refer to people whose gender identities and expressions are neither, both, or other than male or female.
In this edition, I am offering more Tantric erotic possibilities for both transpeople and the people who love them. When I wrote the first edition of Urban Tantra, I titled my Erotic Awakening Massages as being for “People with Pussies” and “People with Penises,” instead of for women and men. I wanted people to understand that not all people who identified as women had pussies and not all people who identified as men had penises. Now, as more and more people understand that genitals do not equal gender, it’s the perfect time to be more explicitly trans-inclusive by introducing my new chapter, Erotic Awakening Massage for Trans and Gender-Nonconforming People—an erotic/spiritual adventure based on the knowledge that all erotic tissue is simply the same Jell-O poured into different molds.
The word Tantra is, alas, now virtually synonymous with sex in mainstream Western culture. Although I have tried to keep focus on the larger spiritual practice, I want to honor and support people’s profound need for a spiritual practice that embraces sexuality. In chapter 1, I take a more nuanced view of the nature and history of Tantra and its evolution into a modern Western sacred sexuality practice.
When Urban Tantra was first published, my primary intention was to create a Tantric practice that welcomed people of all genders, races, abilities, sexual preferences, and spiritual beliefs. I wanted a school of Tantra that was down-to-earth, fun, accessible, and transformative. I also wanted to expand the boundaries of what Tantra was and could be. In the ensuing years, I’ve watched people experience countless emotional and physical healing miracles through their personal Tantric practices. Today, I’m asking, how can the practice of Urban Tantra heal not only ourselves, but also our world? How can we be of service? What else is possible at the intersection of spirit and sex? How can Tantra—and specifically Urban Tantra—not only inspire people to become their best selves but also to create change in the world for the benefit of others? Part 5 of this new edition, Tantra: The Next Dimension, points us toward that future. I invite us all to use the Tantra-related art of sex magic to create our own personal brand of sexually and spiritually fueled social activism.
Whether you have been on the Urban Tantric path since the first edition of the book was published or you are just beginning your journey with us, welcome. It is my fondest hope that this new edition of Urban Tantra inspires you to create your own flavor of spiritually infused sexuality, and/or erotically infused spirituality. You could call that practice Tantra, sacred sex, conscious sexuality, erotic spirituality, or sacred kink. I call it simply, How I Love.
Buy the New Edition of Urban Tantra: Sacred Sex for the Twenty-First Century at:
Are you somewhere else in the world?
Book Depository will give you a discount AND ship anywhere in the world!
Apr 01 2017
5 Reasons Why the Urban Tantra Professional Training Program is the Professional Retreat We All Need Right Now
Let me guess…you’re a giver.
You’re the practitioner who gives every single client 100%…
You’re the therapist who schedules one more session so you can help one more person…
You’re the involved parent, or the nurturing caregiver that keeps your family going strong…
You’re the compassionate healer who holds space for everyone’s growth…
You’re the driven entrepreneur who’s innovations shift perspectives…
You’re the engaged activist who fights for the whole community…
…and you’re exhausted, depleted, and perhaps even completely overwhelmed.
I know you, because I am you. I’ve held every one of these roles at some point in my life, and I know the pitfalls and challenges that arise when you give all of yourself to your work.
During my more than 25 years in the field, I’ve seen powerhouse practitioners, compassionate councilors, and excited educators burn themselves out trying to make it all work.
That’s why I created the Urban Tantra Professional Training Program—to share valuable tools that make this work more worth doing, for everyone!
Here are 5 Reasons Why the Urban Tantra Professional Training Program is the Professional Retreat We All Need Right Now:
1.) Mind/Body/Spirit Healing
I’ve created a nourishing immersive experience that will gently carry your whole person through a 6-day transformative journey. Breathwork sessions to invigorate your soul, massage to ease your body, expertly facilitated intellectual discussions to tease your mind, and plenty of time for integration, journaling, and making new friends. Also worth mentioning, we have a great deal of fun, frolic, and play during this training.
This is an experiential process, I vary learning styles and subjects daily. We’ll have dance breaks, moments of meditation, deep discussions, sacred experiences, peaceful moments, and more than a few good belly laughs.
2.) Professional-to-Professional Love…there’s nothing quite like it.
An amazing thing happens when you get a room full of practitioners together. There is a mutual respect, a deep witnessing, and expert skill sharing that never ceases to amaze me.
I created this program out of the need for this type of connection. There isn’t another pace quite like it out there. When you step into the program, you’re met with a community of practitioners, teachers and healers. You’re encouraged to bring your uniqueness to the circle, and we’re all better off because you did.
It may sound like a short amount of time, but we pack a lot of connectedness into these 6-days. You’ll walk away with lifelong relationships.
3.) Sweden at Midsummer
The Urban Tantra Professional Training Program is taking place at my absolute favorite Swedish retreat center, Skeppsudden, during the Midsummer Holiday!
We’ll be utilizing the fertile energy of the longest days of the year to bring even more life, creativity, and depth to this generation of the program.
In addition to the usual 6 days of advanced, experiential Urban Tantra technique and training, there will be at least one brand new ritual experience to capitalize on the supple joy and exuberance of the Midsummer Festival.
You’ll enjoy looooong warm days and bright sunny evenings in the quintessentially Swedish woods and on the water. It is the perfect place, at the perfect time to dig into your desire for more, to deepen your connection to your purpose and vision, to learn how to create delicious experiences for yourself and/or your clients.
Did I mention that Skeppsudden has one of Sweden’s most luscious saunas?
4.) Business Skills, Boundaries, and Best Practices
You’re committed to your practice, your vision, your business, and I’m committed to teaching you the practical skills that will keep you loving your work.
You may come in feeling overwhelmed, but you’ll leave with:
◦ clarity around your target market, marketing language, and your mission, so you’ll attract more of the people that you want to be working with and less of the ones you don’t;
◦ marketing knowhow to further your reach, increase your prospects, and create a whole new set of potential income streams;
◦ a new skill-set and practice around setting healthy boundaries that will keep you grounded in yourself, weed out energy vampires, and help you maintain a healthy work/life balance;
◦ easily integrated embodied practices that leave you feeling nourished, connected and energized so that you can show up more powerfully in your work and in your life.
The individuals that show up for this work are incredibly unique folks from all over the world. We will sit in circle for 6 magical days, sharing experiences and wisdom with hearts open. During this time, new Ideas take shape and perspectives begin to shift.
You’ll get to explore your edges. I’ll encourage you to try something new, to take that risk, to ask that question, to peruse that taboo. My hope and deepest desire is that this exploration ignites your passion and creativity.
There is no “right way” to use this work. Yes of course there are standards and ethics, but I encourage you to season what you learn at the Urban Tantra Professional Training Program with your own flavor. Evolve it, explore it’s power, and use it to create more ecstasy!
I am a giver, I’m enthusiastically engaged with my community, and I care about every single person who finds their way to my work.
So if you’re ready to join me for 6-days of sacred soul journeying, community connection, and nourishing inspiration, email firstname.lastname@example.org
20-25 Jun 2017
Yours in ecstasy,
Jun 25 2013
Today we have a guest post by my friend and colleague, Artemisia de Vine, conscious sex worker, kink practitioner and author of the upcoming book, “Lessons from a Whore”. www.consciouseroticarts.com and www.consciouskink.com. Artemesia and other graduate members of the Urban Tantra® Professional Training Program frequently discuss the practical applications of seeing gender beyond the binary of masculine/feminine. Here Artemesia shares her recent “Ah hah!” moment. I think it’s beautifully stated. Thanks, Artemesia!
So excited that I was finally able to articulate something that is so important to me. Funny how I can instinctively know something for years but just can’t put it in words…so I get all frustrated and hot under the collar because I know it really matters but can’t communicate it properly, even to myself. I can just feel that damage is being done and it needs to change. Suddenly it is so simple and I can just say it.
Worshipping the gender binaries of masculine and feminine encourages us all to project stereotypes onto each other rather than be present and truly see, experience and connect with ourselves and each other. Today I’m making the effort to approach each individual person as a unique being I know nothing about and allow them to unfold in front of me like the exquisite mystery they are.
Yes there will likely be recognizable gendered patterns that emerge but the difference is, I will allow them to emerge naturally rather than assume they are there in the first place. That way I won’t miss the times when they are not there. I won’t be blind to the unique combination of characteristics in each person. I will unconsciously assume power dynamics less often…
Feeling into myself in each moment and experiencing what is… What’s there beyond gendered boxes? The words “masculine” and “feminine” are being banned from my vocabulary today so I can see and be beyond them.
Mar 01 2012
“Thinking Off” or How to Have a Breath and Energy Orgasm
If you are one of the many people who saw my segment, “Unusual Orgasms” on the Learning Channel’s Strange Sex show, welcome! Here are answers to some of your frequently asked questions:
1. I do not use the term “thinking off.”
“Thinking off” is the term the producers of the show wanted to use, but that term is much too limiting. Non-genitally based orgasms are achieved by different people in different ways, but very few people use only their minds to achieve these orgasms. The kind of orgasms you saw me and my workshop participants have on Strange Sex were achieved with a combination of breath, imagining (either by visualization or sensory feelings), sound, and squeezing the muscles of the pelvic floor. Sound complicated? It’s not really. It just takes a little practice.
2. How can I learn to “think off”?
Subscribe to my newsletter! You’ll get two free gifts, including “How To Have An Energy Orgasm”. You can more detailed instructions and additional ways to have a breath and energy orgasm in my book, Urban Tantra: Sacred Sex for the Twenty-First Century. There is an entire section devoted to breath and energy orgasms. I am also in the process of recording a step-by-step CD guide to accompany the breath and energy orgasm section of the book. Sign up for my newsletter and you will be among the first to hear when it’s finished. I also teach the technique in many of my workshops. Check out my calendar of events to find out where I will be when.
3. I have spinal nerve damage and I can’t have regular orgasms. Can I have one with this technique?
Yes! The technique can also be used by people with erectile dysfunction, women who have had clitorectomies, and anyone with a physical condition that makes genital orgasms difficult or impossible.
4. I missed the show. Will it be on again?
Yes! It’s being rerun fairly regularly. Visit the Learning Channel for the schedule.
5. Where else can I learn about “thinking off”?
Watch this video of Barbara talking to Joy Behar about “thinking off.”
Questions? Want to host a breath and energy orgasm workshop in your town?
Contact me at email@example.com.